It’s that time of year again when the Catholic Church, in a desperate effort to increase attendance at Christmas services, can be expected to publicly surface some of its thousands of supposedly authentic religious relics.
This week the big news is the world tour of some wood from Jesus’ manger (i.e. crib) from Bethlehem. This teeny inches-long piece of wood is normally kept in the Cathedral of St. Mary Maggiore in Rome. Charlie and I paid our respects thirty something years ago when we were visiting Italy. It looked like plain wood to me.
The supposed manger relic came to light in the 7th century when it was brought from the Middle East to Pope Theodore I. It was vouched for by St. Sophronius, the Patriarch of Jerusalem. So, of course, it was accepted as the real McCoy, as were tens of thousand of other supposed authentic relics from the Holy Lands that found their way to Catholic churches around the world.
Interestingly, there is no historical evidence of any veneration of the supposed birthplace of Jesus of Nazareth until long after Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire in the 4th century. That means that the crude stables noted in the Gospel of Luke containing Jesus’ manger would have had to survive 300 years plus in the Middle East climate…before any Christian faithful would have commenced a search for artifacts of the Holy birth and made a big deal out of the little backwater town of Bethlehem.
The provenance of the supposed Cradle of Bethlehem (i.e. the venerated manger wood) leaves much to be desired, particularly since…the alleged Holy wood shavings were scientifically examined and were found to have been manufactured from an 8th century packing crate.
That’s what the Vatican is proudly exhibiting this Christmas season to…people who want to believe.
(Note: Below I’ve incorporated some material on Christian religious relics from my book, “Disbelief”)
The person often credited with the explosion of Christian relic discoveries in the Middle East was, in fact, Helena, the mother of Roman Emperor Constantine.
By the early 4th century, Christian clergy had insinuated themselves at the court of the Emperor and were looking for ways to: (a) legitimize the fledgling religion; and, (b) convince the Emperor to favor said religion over others. And, they had Helena in their spell.
In 327 A.D., Helena, accompanied by a retinue of glad-handing Christian clergy, visited the Holy Lands and, specifically, Jerusalem. Not surprisingly, Helena and her group then supposedly “discovered” the burial crypt of Jesus, pieces of the cross that Jesus was crucified on, some of the nails that pierced his flesh, the centurion’s sword that pierced Jesus’ body, and a bunch of other Holy items.
The fact that this considerable booty had lain around for three centuries, undisturbed by the local population, Christian converts, and Christian clergy, who would have given anything to possess such relics…is hard to believe. How lucky we are that the Emperor’s mother (Saint Helena!) just stumbled into the treasure trove…and found the very cross that Jesus was crucified upon!
(Actually, it is an historic fact that Jerusalem was leveled to the ground by the Roman army in 70 A.D. and again in 135 A.D., long after Jesus supposedly lived. Holy artifacts, had there been any, would have been buried under quite a bit of rubble, probably more than the Emperor’s mother and some pencil-necked priests could have uncovered.)
By the way, if one can believe anything that the Church says, “very soon after the discovery of the True Cross, its wood was cut up into small relics and scattered throughout Christendom”. This preposterous assertion is made by the Catholic Encyclopedia with a straight face.
That a one-of-a-kind relic, the most symbolic and important of the Faith, would not be safeguarded in the most secure vault in Christendom, is absurd. And, the idea that the Church fathers would desecrate such a relic, one that had Jesus’ own blood on it, is an outlandish idea.
Nowadays there are so many supposed authentic pieces of the True Cross preserved in churches and private collections, and available for purchase on E-bay, that some wag recently commented, “If all of the relics of the True Cross were brought together, there would be enough wood to build Noah’s Ark.”
Helena’s Holy Land discoveries basically instigated a Bible relic “gold rush”, wherein many Christian pilgrims and Crusaders feverishly acquired supposed Holy items from Middle Eastern con men.
Eventually, it became the norm for all Catholic churches to possess relics for adoration by the faithful. In fact, the Second Council of Nicaea in 787 decreed that every altar in every Catholic church should contain a relic. This leant a certain holiness to the church, where the dim-witted parishioners tip-toed around the shrines in awe…exactly as the Church intended. And, it started a stampede in the “authentic” relic business.
That is exactly how the Cathedral of St. Mary Maggiore in Rome came to possess its piece of “authentic” manger wood which is now being publicly displayed by the Vatican.
(This fascination and obsession with presumed holy objects was reaffirmed by the Council of Trent in 1546, which forbade the consecration of any Church without a supply of relics.)
Other dubious Christian relics residing in churches and cathedrals, and not currently on tour, include:
The Crown of Thorns – Paulinus, Bishop of Nola, said in 409 A.D. that the “thorns with which our Saviour was crowned” resided in Jerusalem. The crown was amazingly produced by Bishop Gregory of Tours (in what is now France) in the 6th century. At that time, the Bishop reported that “the thorns in the Crown still looked green, a freshness which was miraculously renewed every day”, to which the Catholic Encyclopedia has skeptically remarked “does not much strengthen testimony for the authenticity of the relic”. The relic was passed around Europe for hundreds of years, which is another indication that it was probably inauthentic.
The Crown of Thorns that is preserved in the cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris has been carbon dated to around 695 A.D., only about six hundred years “newer” than the one Jesus wore.
The Holy Lance – This is reputedly the lance with which one of the Roman centurions pierced Jesus’ side while he was on the cross. It is also known as the Spear of Longinus, the supposed Roman Centurion. This lance is supposedly the same one found in the tomb by Saint Helen. It is alleged to have appeared in Jerusalem in the 6th century, after apparently being lost for several hundred years. Later, it supposedly fell into the hands of pagans.
In 1241,the point of the lance was supposedly presented by King Baldwin of Jerusalem to St. Louis during the Crusades. It was then enshrined in the Sainte Chapelle cathedral in Paris along with…the Crown of Thorns, if that can be believed.
Other Holy Lances or parts thereof are claimed to be preserved under the dome of St. Peter’s in Rome, at a cathedral in Nuremberg, and two others are said to be preserved, one in Vienna and the other in Cracow.
One of the curiosities about the “Holy Lance” is that it was an important piece of armament of the Roman centurion. That a military man would have given up his weapon (which in most armies is a crime) to someone at the Crucifixion event is quite preposterous. How it supposedly ended up in a tomb along with all of the other named items involved in the Holy Event is a bigger mystery. Especially since it was then misplaced for several hundred years.
The Holy Stairs — This is allegedly the very stairway “consisting of twenty-eight white marble steps…the stairway leading once to the Praetorium of Pilate, hence sanctified by the footsteps of Our Lord during his Passion”, according to the Catholic Encyclopedia. Supposedly this 300 year-old relic was brought from Jerusalem to Rome by Saint Helena in 326, although the alleged eyewitness Bishop Macarius failed to note this enormous item at the time. The “stairway” now leads to the Sancta Sanctorum (Holy of Holies) of the Lateran Palace in Rome.
The alleged discovery of this large intact relic by amateur archaeologist Saint Helen is truly a miracle, considering that all of the main buildings of Jerusalem were razed (completely destroyed) twice by the Romans in 70 and 135 A.D. Normally, real archaeologists dig for years before they uncover bits and shards of historic material. Yet, the amateur relic hunter, Saint Helen, on a brief pilgrimage to Jerusalem, was able to uncover some of the most unique treasures of Christendom, buried under hundreds of years of debris and subsequent building. In addition, neither Helena, Bishop Macarius, or anyone else accompanying the ex-Empress could have possibly known what the real stairway looked like, since it had last been standing 200 years previously.
Despite all of that, Saint Helena was able to confidently declare, “Yes, those are the Holy Stairs!”
The Holy Nails — These spikes are allegedly the ones that secured Jesus to his cross. Saint Helena discovered four of them in the infamous vault adjacent to the supposed Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem in 326 A.D. According to legend, she is said to have taken them to Constantinople. Two were worked into her son’s helmet and bridle, and the others were (honest to God!)…cast into the Adriatic Sea to calm a storm.
Constantine’s helmet, the Iron Crown of Lombardy, is in the cathedral at Monza, Italy, while the bridle is in Carpentras, France or Milan, Italy, depending on who you believe. Other Holy Nail repositories are located in Rome, Naples, and Venice. And, the bottom of the ocean.
Two additional nails were found in 1990 in the supposed grave of Caiaphas, the Jewish high priest who supposedly organized the plot to kill Jesus.
The Catholic Encyclopedia says, “Little reliance can be placed upon the authenticity of the 30 or more holy nails which are still venerated.” That is an understatement.
The Titulus Crucis – This is the title board (“This is the King of the Jews”) that Pilate allegedly ordered placed on the cross. Saint Helena supposedly found this on her fateful trip to Jerusalem. She supposedly divided it into three pieces, of which only one remains…at Rome’s Church of the Holy Cross.
Modern science has determined that the Titulus Crucis is a forgery. Not only does it contain linguistic problems in the way it is written, but it has been radiocarbon-dated within the 980 to 1146 A.D. range. This corresponds closely to the period in the 12th century when the artifact was first acquired by the Church of the Holy Cross.
The Holy Robe – This is the seamless garment that Jesus wore on his way to Calvary. It was allegedly in Saint Helena’s treasure trove but it disappeared for many hundreds of years. One story has it that the Byzantine Empress Irene made a gift of the Holy Robe to Charlemagne in 800 A.D. The remains of that robe are supposedly preserved in a Benedictine church in France.
On the other hand, on May 1, 1196 A.D., Archbishop Johann I of Trier (near Luxembourg) consecrated the altar of his church, which allegedly contained the Holy Robe.
But, wait a minute! The Eastern Orthodox Church also has several authentic Holy Robes. One of them is preserved to this day in a crypt in the Patriarchal Svetitskhoveli Cathedral. Other portions of the robe (evidently this official copy was divided up) are venerated in Saint Petersburg, Russia in two cathedrals, one at the Winter Palace and the other at St. Peter and St. Paul’s Cathedral. Still more are allegedly housed at the Cathedral of the Dormition, in Moscow, at Kiev’s Sophia Cathedral, and at the Ipatiev monastery near Kostroma. One supposes that they need a lot of robes in Russia because it gets so cold there.
The bible only verifies one official Jesus Robe, and that one was won by the centurion who prevailed when the Roman security contingent “cast lots” to determine who would own it. Why he would later throw it in the sepulchre with all of the other Crucifixion goodies is a mystery to us all. And, there is no mention in the Bible of the carpenter’s son owning a wardrobe of…robes.
The Holy Burial Shroud – Jesus’ body was supposedly wrapped in a linen shroud before he was placed in the sepulchre. Saint Helena allegedly discovered the authentic shroud in 326. However, like all of the other invaluable treasures she supposedly found, the shroud disappeared from sight for many centuries.
A large quantity of alleged Holy Burial Shrouds were trafficked within Europe during the Middle Ages. It was the time of the “holy relic” craze, and between 26 and 40 “authentic” burial shrouds were preserved throughout the abbeys of Europe at that time.
In 1355, one of them was exhibited at the Church of St. Mary in Lirey, France. Supposedly it had been given to the church by a French knight, Geoffroy de Charny. This is the supposed authentic item that has become known as the “Shroud of Turin”. It is a yellowed, 14-foot long linen that appears to contain the image of a crucified man. The Shroud of Turin has gone on to become probably the most famous Christian relic of all time.
However, the earliest written record of this particular holy shroud is a Catholic bishop’s report to Pope Clement VII, dated 1389, stating that it originated as part of a faith-healing scheme. The Bishop of Troyes, Henri of Poitiers, alleged “pretended miracles” being staged to defraud credulous pilgrims, and stated that his predecessor bishop had “discovered the fraud and how the said cloth had been cunningly painted, the truth being attested by the artist who had painted it”.
Yes, the forger had copped to the crime in 1389.
As a result of these revelations, in 1390, Pope Clement VII declared that it (the Shroud of Turin) was not the true shroud but could be used as a representation of the real thing, provided the faithful be told that it was not genuine. This has since been done, but with a wink.
Because of that, millions of faithful have continued to venerate the phony relic in the seven hundred years since.
Radiocarbon dating of the Shroud in 1988 showed that the linen material was made between 1260 and 1390, which indicates that the shroud was a relatively recent forgery when the Pope correctly declared it one in 1390.
Yet, millions of Christian faithful continue to believe that the Shroud of Turin actually touched Jesus.
The previously-discussed items are those vouched-for relics that were supposedly uncovered by Saint Helena in 326. However, many other items have surfaced over the years to populate church altars and monastic shrines throughout the world.
For example, twenty-one different churches in Europe at one time claimed to possess the Holy Foreskin of Jesus. The first one (there can only be one, right?) surfaced in 800 A.D., when Charlemagne presented it as a gift to Pope Leo III. That someone attending Jesus’ bris in Bethlehem had the foresight to pick up this useless piece of flesh demonstrates amazing foresight.
The Shroud of Orvieto is a bloodstained cloth said to have covered Jesus’ head after he died. Supposedly, it was found in Jerusalem in the 6th century. That’s right, almost six hundred years after the Crucifixion, in a city that was totally demolished twice, someone just happened to see the precious relic lying in the road!
The Holy Sponge is that which was dipped in vinegar and given to Christ to drink during the crucifixion. Some other lucky treasure hunter found this item by chance in Jerusalem…about one hundred years after that other charlatan “discovered” the Shroud of Ovieto. This fake sponge, presumably still reeking of vinegar, resides in the Santa Croce Church in Rome, with several fake fragments of the True Cross, one of the fake Holy Nails, and several of the fake thorns from Jesus’ crown.
The Throne of St. Peter is also displayed in Rome, at the Vatican. Supposedly, it was the chair that the first pope sat in. However, there is no historical evidence (even in the Bible) that St. Peter ever made it to Rome, and, if he did, he was not a pope at the time and certainly didn’t sit on this pretentious chair.
Other well-known relics, of which there are many “duplicates”, include:
A Drop of the Breast Milk of the Virgin Mary
A Vial of Christ’s Blood
One of Jesus’ Baby Teeth
Swaddling Clothes of the Baby Jesus
The Umbilical Cord of Jesus
The Cloak of the Blessed Virgin
The Loin Cloth worn by Jesus on the Cross
The Remains of the Three Wise Men
Wing and Tail Feathers of the Holy Ghost
Manna that Fell from Heaven in 371 A.D.
The Sweat of St. Michael (from his tussle with Satan)
All of the above fake relics were purchased and proudly venerated by naïve Christians and Catholic churches during the Middle Ages. The supposed sacred items were the crowd-pullers of the Medieval age. Any church of monastery that could lay claim to a relic would be assured a steady stream of fee-paying pilgrims. P.T. Barnum would have been proud.
What was the Catholic Church’s attitude about relics that were most likely fakes? As the Catholic Encyclopedia puts it, “Supposing the relic to be spurious, NO DISHONOR IS DONE TO GOD by the continuance of an error handed down in perfect good faith for many centuries”!
In other words, if a church enticed parishioners and pilgrims for centuries on the basis of particular “sacred” relic, the Church presumption is that no one could have possibly known that the relic was fake…even if it was a preposterous forgery on its face. A good example would be the many churches in Europe that venerate supposed samples of the breast milk of the Virgin Mary.
The bottom line, as quoted by the Catholic Encyclopedia, is this: “…the Church is tolerant of ‘pious beliefs’ which have helped to further Christianity”.
No shit.
It seems to me that “fake news” has been around for a long time, and that snake oil salesmen, like our President, have learned well from the masters of the art…the Catholic Church.
“People believe what they want to believe.”