Charlie and I are on the road with the doggies, enjoying the cool temps and lush, green beauty of the Oregon coast.
Next Tuesday is the Fourth of July. There will be a fireworks show here at the Port of Siuslaw RV Park where we are staying. Should be a great evening.
Besides July 4th having that patriotic flavor, it also has significance to Charlie and I because we (and her four boys) began to live under one roof fifty years ago on 7/4/73. We will celebrate that accomplishment on Tuesday with a home-cooked, grilled steak dinner, baked potato, and the fireworks spectacular.
Speaking of romance, we have been watching a lot of Hallmark Channel movies while we’ve been in the RV, not because they’re very good but, rather, because our Dish TV program inventory isn’t very good. Besides, Charlie likes them.
Just about every Hallmark movie that we’ve seen has the same sappy plot (relationship-challenged beautiful gal meets handsome Prince Charming, things heat up, then the relationship hiccups badly, then… Surprise!… the couple reconciles, and everyone lives happily ever after).
For the most part, the lead actors and actresses in these rom-coms are WASP professionals in their 30’s, all looking like photoshoot models, with the supporting cast and even the “extras” all clean scrubbed and attractive young people. Evidently, in Hallmark land, there are few minorities, no handicapped people, and no “plus sizes”, either. It looks like everyone in the films come from a casting call for “Glee” or “Up With People”.
Usually, the threadbare plot revolves around a professional woman who’s got a boyfriend or fiancé but who’s questioning her commitment or life priorities. Of course, Prince Charming comes along, sometimes an ex-beau whose got more blue collar roots and/or aspirations. Of course, they are now perfect for each other but take some time realizing it (just enough for a two-hour movie!)
Charlie and I also watch a lot of “crime” docudramas while we’re on the road.
I’ve not done any statistical research on this subject, but my assessment of murders, rapes, assaults, and the like is that 90 percent of the time the victim is either involved in a crummy marriage, has recently divorced from a crummy marriage, has child custody issues with an ex, or is engaging in high-risk behavior (drugs, on-line dating, boozing into the early morning hours, or dating/living with a guy whose been married a half-dozen times).
In business, a very highly desired characteristic of a great manager is the ability to hire good people. “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear” is an appropriate example. At least in business, a boss can get rid of a crummy employee with (usually) no muss or fuss.
Not so in marriage.
We watch so many of these crime docudramas where a young woman swoons for some dude with a fancy car, bulging biceps, popularity at the local bar, and so forth, electing to forget and forgive the schmo’s crude behavior, heavy drinking at home, dalliances with other women, and the physical and mental abuse that she incurs from Mr. Wonderful.
Not surprisingly, none of these married folks (women or men) are featured on the Hallmark Channel. Over there, divorces are amicable. On the I.D. Channel, marital strife typically ends in nasty divorces, ugly child custody fights, restraining orders, beatings, shootings, poisonings, suspicious suicides, and “accidental” car crashes. Testosterone-fueled, control freak guys are usually the perpetrators, but we’ve seen many episodes where the wife kills her husband for insurance money, to hook up with another guy, or simply to “move on” from her crummy union.
Most marriages don’t last, at least nowadays. I think I read somewhere that 80 percent of marriages don’t make it past five years. Why is that? Maybe because the couple rushed into the deal, or they didn’t do their “due diligence”, or perhaps the union was economically-, rather than love-, driven.
A specialty of the Hallmark Channel movies is the expensive wedding that costs tens of thousands of dollars, the wedding dress, the bridesmaids, the expensive rings, and the extravagant honeymoon. Surely, all of this money can buy happiness, right? Still, most of these marriages don’t last… despite the ostentatious kick-off ceremonies. Life happens, children come along, careers evolve, and long-simmering resentments pile up. Sometimes the couple is a miss match, obvious to others but not to the eager couple.
I’m guessing that Charlie’s and my wedding, reception, and honeymoon didn’t cost $1,500 bucks. We were wed in an inexpensive chapel, her folks threw a small reception in their backyard, and my brother Terry gave us a few bucks to spend on our weekend honeymoon trip to San Francisco. Then, we went back to work.
In our case, the Return on Investment has been outstanding.
Charlie’s first husband Al was probably the first guy who had ever paid attention to her, and she was in over her head from the start. Al turned out to be a drinker, skirt chaser, and domestic abuser. Charlie endured that while punching out four babies in eight years and working as a nurse, as well. A good Catholic girl, from a good family, Charlie put up with the nonsense as long as she could.
I had the good fortune to be raised by two outstanding parents in a loving household with my three siblings. It was there that I learned the value of hard work, good character, and Golden Rule values, things that I’m sure were emphasized in Charlie’s childhood home. I dated a lot in college, met quite a few very nice gals, and (instinctively, I think) knew what I was looking for in a partner… probably someone like my Mom.
I could tell from the moment I met Charlie that we had the same values and aspirations. I could tell, when I met her parents and siblings, that they were solid people who valued good relationships.
Both of our parents’ marriages lasted fifty years, as has ours. There have been ups and downs, of course, as life has a way of screwing with the best laid plans. But, we’ve persevered, raised fine children, been successful in our careers, and are now enjoying a very happy and satisfying retirement
We’ve beaten the odds.
The whole thing would make a good Hallmark movie… except that we’re not pretty enough.