I got worked over yesterday by some Mormons up in St. George, Utah. They had their way with me.
Because I’m old, my primary care physician, Dr. Gladys Kodjoe, decided that I should have a colonoscopy. And, because I’d mentioned to her that very occasionally food gets stuck in my lower esophagus, she decided that I should get an endoscopy, as well.
Easy for her to say.
What happens in those procedures is that some specialist doctor called a gastroenterologist sticks television cameras down the patients throat and up his ass to see what’s going on. It sounds rather intrusive, and it is, but the beauty of the thing, if you can call it that, is that the patient is anesthetized…so you have no memory of the assault.
(I think Bill Cosby perfected this sort of thing…)
Anyway, the only bad part of the ordeal is the preparation: you need to be “cleaned out”. As in devoid of any food in the stomach or digested material in your intestines: Spic n’ span.
I’ve had a couple of colonoscopies in my life. It used to be that a bunch of enemas were prescribed to accomplish the dirty business. Enemas suck. Then some genius, probably an ex-Nazi medical doctor from Auschwitz, devised a chemical (Zyklon B?) that is ingested and chases everything out of your system, pronto. I think it was called “X-Prep”. It worked, for sure, but was pretty violent, as I recall.
This time (the last time!) I prepped for my procedures with some stuff called Plenvu, which was much more humane. The liquid (mix and water) tasted pleasant and did its job within an hour or so. No problema.
I joke about the Mormons up in Utah, but the medical facilities and staff up there (and clinics and hospitals) are absolutely the best I’ve ever encountered. (And I used to work in hospitals, military and civilian!)
From check-in to release from recovery, I was there maybe 1-1/2 hours. No muss, no fuss. Really nice staff and doctor. I can’t complain about anything.
That gas that they give you to fall asleep really works; I wish I could have some to go to bed at night. Instantaneous la-la land!
The gastroenterologist must make oral notes about the procedures as he is doing them because, by the time I checked-out, there was a full report for me including photos of my insides. Incredible!
I had four small polyps removed from my intestines and the doc found that my lower esophagus was inflamed, probably by some stomach reflux.
I will now have to modify my diet a bit and take an omeprazole pill before meals for the next eight weeks. I can do that.
Hopefully, my polyps will be benign ones and my esophagus will heal up…so I can continue eating spicy Mexican food!