Way back in 1974 (March 23rd, to be exact), the day I simultaneously graduated from college and got married, I became the stepfather to four young boys. Little did I know then that it was the best decision that I would ever make.
To be honest, having and raising children was never a priority of mine in young adulthood. I figured that there were plenty of human beings already on the planet, and my DNA wasn’t all that special. Besides, I had my schooling to finish up (after leaving the Air Force), and wanted to devote myself to a career.
Well, along came nurse “Charlie” Heim, and all of that changed. A divorced, sole-support mother, she had her hands full with the young lads, ages 3 to 8, while working double-shifts, on welfare, and trying to save her house from foreclosure. So, Mr. Prince Charming rode to the rescue, and we formed a neat little family unit and made a life for ourselves.
The four boys were all very different, with different personalities, attributes, and interests. Charlie and I tried the best we could to nurture them, guide them, and make their lives interesting. We didn’t coddle them, we taught them the difference between right and wrong, and we were there for them when they needed help or a shoulder to cry on.
I certainly wasn’t a perfect Dad, I’m sure. My father was “old school” when it came to discipline, but he was fair, and gave his children a lot of room to be themselves and enjoy their youth. I tried to emulate him, because he was a very fine man whom I loved greatly. If he were still alive, I hope he would be proud of my parental effort.
I did receive a nice compliment many years ago, on the occasion of youngest son Jonathan’s graduation, as I recall. Alex Heim, the boys’ biological father, attended the event. He came up to me after the festivities and thanked me for doing such a good job in raising his sons. That was probably the proudest moment of my life.
The “boys” are all grown men now, and are all successful, contributing members of society.
Tim, the oldest, is a Realtor as well as an Animal Medical Lab Technician, and also helps Charlie out in her business from time to time.
Ron is a Lieutenant in the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department.
Jeff is a manager in a very large commercial printing company in Orange County.
And, youngest son Jonathan, who was an accomplished cabinetmaker before the Great Recession, is now my wife’s partner in her bookkeeping business.
Charlie and I are very close to Tim, Jeff, and Jonathan and their families. We share special events, vacation with them, and provide guidance and support, when requested. We talk to at least one of them every day. Other than Charlie, those three guys are my best friends in the world, and I’m so happy that they are a big part of our lives.
There’s been some drama in each of their lives, and we’ve tried to help. It’s a difficult thing, as a parent, determining just how much love and support to provide without intruding too much or enabling bad behavior. I would like to think that, if one of them has a problem, he wouldn’t hesitate one second to give me a call. I would lay down in front of a bus for those guys.
Our other son, Ron, is estranged from us (Charlie and I and his three brothers) at this time, to our great regret. For reasons that make sense to her, Ron’s wife wants Ron to only socialize with her family, and he’s gone along with it. I don’t respect what he’s done, but he must have good reason (in his mind), and he will have to live with the consequences. All of us miss Ron in our daily lives; it’s really a shame that he has elected to shun his own family. Not only did we lose a son, but we lost a friend. I hurt every time I think about Ron. Maybe someday we will all get back together…
My current role as “Father” includes the raising of our three dogs, Booger, JayJay, and Baby. Charlie and I consider them our other “children” now, and we are doing the best we can to keep them healthy, happy, and sociable. It is a big responsibility sharing a life with a dog, and it’s a lot of work, particularly when one of them is a puppy. But, as in raising our sons, it is very gratifying work, especially when progress is made. We are so proud when our dogs are in a social setting with other dogs…and they behave well! That’s when you know that you’re doing it the right way.
I’m almost 70 years old now, in pretty good health. If I’m lucky, I will have another ten or twenty years to enjoy my children, human and canine.
It’s a Happy Father’s Day!